


we had so much fun together (we thought we'd be friends forever)

by yoomij



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Hinata Shouyou, Hurt Kageyama Tobio, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Sad Hinata Shouyou, Sad Kageyama Tobio, Sorry Not Sorry, Suicide Attempt, TRIGGERING SCENES, Time Skips, i didnt even read this, okay have a good day, pillow forts, thought of this fic at like 2 am
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:27:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26625154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoomij/pseuds/yoomij
Summary: title from alec bejamin's i built a friend.a short one shot of 9-year-old Hinata Shouyou meeting 9-year-old Kageyama Tobio and they become friends. Also, pillow forts because I'm soft for pillow forts :) and I felt like writing angst.also posted on wattpad
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 13
Kudos: 84





	we had so much fun together (we thought we'd be friends forever)

**Author's Note:**

> triggering scenes  
> have fun :)

Hinata Shouyou was in pain. 

He was hunched over and stared blankly at the tree he had just run into. He couldn’t even register what had happened, all he knew is that he was running. Just allowing his little 9-year-old legs to carry him anywhere he could. 

Why was he running again? Something about Mom not letting him have extra gummies...

He paused when he heard a snicker. 

"Dummy..." a tiny voice said. Hinata just sat there, in shock, until his brain finally registered the offensive words.

"I-I'm not a dummy!" Hinata yelled out immediately, whipping his head around so fast he saw white for a quick second. He managed a small whimper of pain as he sat there and saw a small figure walk towards him.

"You ran into that giant tree, you should've been looking, dummy!" the black-haired boy, about his age, sneers. 

He looks scary.

"I-I was looking! The tree just appeared out of nowhere! Like-like POOF!" Hinata made exaggerated hand gestures. The boy just rolled his eyes. "Hey, what's that?" The black-haired boy was holding a ball. It was red, green, and white. “Wow! It’s colorful!”

“Dummy, it's a volleyball. You’re probably too dummy to know,” the kid sighed, turning around again, only to be stopped by a small hand tugging him back so hard he almost stumbles and falls. “Hey- what was that fo-”

“I wanna play! I wanna play!” Hinata shouted into the wind. He’s standing again and that little pain in his head is gone. The black-haired kid gave him a disgusted look. “Pleaaaase? I’m Hinata Shouyou, now that I told you my name we have to play!”

“How does that…no.”

“Let me play! Let me play! Let me play!” Hinata whined, jumping and waving his arms around.

“You’re too short. Dummy tangerine shorties can’t play volleyball.”

A sad pout appeared onto Hinata’s face. “I-I’m not! I am not short!” he says, tearing up.

“D-Don’t cry, you crybaby! I’ll let you play! Fine, only a dummy would play anyway,” the kid mumbled, cheeks a bit red.

“So you’re a dummy?” Hinata snickered. “Now you have to tell me your name!”

“Kageyama Tobio, do you even know how to play?” 

Hinata shook his head ‘no’. 

“Uh… okay. I just throw the ball and you have to hit it, okay?” 

“...but isn’t that just like any other ball game?” 

“No,” Kageyama grumbled.

“Do you know how to play?” Hinata raised a playful eyebrow. 

“Sh-Shut up! I’ve seen it on TV…” 

Hinata watched as Kageyama spun the ball in his hands, face reddening. The ginger-haired boy smiled at this. “Mmm… okay, Tobio! We’ll learn it together right now!” 

“T-Tobio?” Kageyama stared at the bright boy.

Hinata nodded excessively. “Friends call each other by their first names! And you’re my friend now, so let’s play!”

“Shouyou…” Kageyama said to himself. “I prefer dummy.” Hinata whined a bit at this, but watched with interest as his new friend backed away from him a bit. “I’m going to throw it and you’re going to hit it with the hardest… hit you can do with your hands.”

“Just… hit it? To where?”

“Just hit it, dummy. Are you too dumb to understand Japanese, now?” Kageyama sighed.

“You’re such a meanie! Just throw it already!” 

Without any warning whatsoever, Kageyama threw it (and fails) right into Hinata’s face. Hinata gave out a squeal as his body was forced back onto the ground. 

“Dummy! You should’ve stopped talking and moved! Dummy!” Kageyama yelled, looking at his face with worry. 

“Owie… sorry, Tobio,” Hinata rubbed at his nose and he frowned a bit when he saw red on his finger.

“You’re bleeding! That’s disgusting!” Kageyama squealed, backing away from Hinata. 

“It’s just blood… want to touch it?” Hinata giggled as Kageyama looked terrified when he stepped closer. 

“Shouyou!” another voice rang out into the air. Hinata froze. “Shouyou! Never run off like that, you know how you get, that was dang- you’re bleeding!” a woman with the same hair as eyes as Hinata crouched down and pulled Hinata into her arms. 

“But I’m okay, Mom! Tobio just hit me with his vol- valley- uhm, with his ball that you throw!” Hinata smiled. Then he frowned, “Hey, I’m supposed to be mad at you!”

Hinata’s mom sighed as she watched Hinata turn his back on her and jump onto Kageyama. The other boy let out a squawk and fell to the ground, Hinata on top of him. 

“Will you forgive me if I told you Tobio could come over tomorrow and play?” 

Hinata’s eyes instantly lit up. “Yes! Yes! Yes! Tobio let’s play together! At my house! In my room!” 

He missed the flash of relief that went over Kageyama’s face. 

“Will you get off me if I agree?” Kageyama grunted. Hinata nodded, a smile permanently glued to his face. 

“Then it’s settled. Let’s go home, Shouyou, you’ll get to see Tobio tomorrow.”

“But why can’t he come now! We can even have a sleepover!” Hinata gasped. 

“He has to go home to his mom and dad, too, Shouyou, they’re probably worried too.”

Hinata let out a low whine and got off of Kageyama. “Bye-bye, Tobio!” 

Kageyama just stood and stared at them, toying with the ball in his hands, until he finally ran to them. “I-I can stay over,” he stuttered.

“Oh? Yay! Let’s go, then!” Hinata said without hesitation.

“What about your parents, Tobio? Do they even know?” Hinata’s mom looked genuinely worried as she looked at the boy. 

“Yeah. It’s fine. I have uh- sleepovers with my friends all the time,” Kageyama said. 

_____

When they arrived at Hinata’s house, Hinata’s mom ordered both of them to take a bath right away. They soon realized that Kageyama had nothing to change out of, which meant Hinata had to share his clothes. Unfortunately, Kageyama was disgusted by this, explaining how “I’ll become short if I wear the same clothes as this tangerine shorty!”. In the end, Hinata found a shirt that was too big on himself in the back of his closet and gave it to Kageyama to wear.

When it was bedtime, Kageyama quickly became annoyed at Hinata once again as he kept hearing the boy shuffle around next to him. 

“Oi, dummy go to sleep,” Kageyama grunted. 

“Mmm… nope! Get up!” Hinata squealed quietly, pulling at Kageyama’s arm as he got out of bed. 

“What-” Kageyama scowled, staring at the orange-haired boy as he scurried around the room. “What are you doing, shorty?” he whispered.

“‘M making a pillow fort! You better help me too,” Hinata smiled. “But we have to be veeeeery quiet, we don’t want my mom to hear us!” 

“What’s a pillow fort?” Kageyama asked. Suddenly, Hinata was an inch away from his face. 

“How do you not know?” Hinata gasped. “Have you… never seen or made one!”

“...no?” 

“It’s this thingy where you put pillows and blankets in!”

Kageyama stared at Hinata’s energetic face. “...you mean a bed?”

“No! A thingy where you put a pillow and blankets in!”

“A thingy.”

“Yes! A thingy, Tobio!” 

Kageyama shook his head and sighed.

“Grab all the blankets and pillows and throw them on the floor! I’m going to find some lights outside, be quiet, Tobio!” 

“You’re the one who should be quiet… so loud,” Kageyama mumbled as Hinata scurried out of the room. After carelessly tossing all the pillows and blankets onto the carpeted floor, Hinata came back with an armful of fairy lights. “Woah, they’re tiny lights,” Kageyama said as he watched them flicker on and off. 

“Yeah! Tobio help me! We need to go on a top-secret mission to grab all the chairs!” Hinata skipped out of the room with Kageyama trailing behind him. “Wow! It’s heavy!” Hinata grunted as he tried to lift one of the big, wooden chairs.

Eventually, they managed to get four chairs into the room until Kageyama told Hinata he’s too tired to lift more chairs. “Lazyama! Lazyama!” Hinata said in return, earning a smack in the back of his head. 

“And then you put the blankets over the chairs! And-And put alllll the pillows to make everything warm and comfy!” Hinata squealed. “Then the tiny lights light everything up!”

Kageyama stared at the so-called “pillow fort” with awe. It looked warm. Hinata crawled into the fort and laid down on his stomach. “It’s so small, we can only lay in it,” Hinata pouted. “Come in, Tobio!”

Kageyama was quiet when he crawled in, his side pressed into Hinata. “...What do we do now?”

“I have my iPad!” Hinata pulled an iPad out, a smile still on his face. How was his face not sore at this point? “We can watch volleyball videos!”

“Huh?”

“We can learn volleyball like you said! And then we can play together!” Hinata tapped away at his iPad, then put it in front of them. “Wow! It-It’s so fast! I can’t even see the ball- oh! There it is! Wow!”

Kageyama looked at Hinata as the smaller boy’s smile got wider, eyes brightening even more. They’re drowned in the darkness, but the fairy lights flicker and flicker, illuminating parts of Hinata’s hair and face. The low light of the iPad shone on his face. Kageyama felt himself tearing up for some reason. He’s never felt like this. He felt so, so warm, his heart is warm, everything is warm and he loves it. He was breathing. He was alive. He felt like burying his face into the pillow and hugging Hinata. But he didn’t. So he just laid there, allowing Hinata to gasp in awe as they’re pressed against each other for more warmth, watching the ball fly back and forwards, the players running and stopping. 

Kageyama smiled. 

Kageyama was 9-years-old when he felt safe.

(And he thinks that Shouyou is pretty.)

Hinata was 9-years-old when he finally found someone to share his pillow fort with.

(And he thinks that Tobio is pretty cool)

_____

They were in their last year of junior high when the pair finally got to play in a volleyball game. Kageyama and Hinata were as close as ever, always hanging around each other. True to Hinata’s words, they both learned volleyball and had joined the boy’s volleyball team. Unfortunately, they were the only people in the club. However, they refused to let that stop them and they continued to practice and learn volleyball.

The first game they played was unfair, considering how the rest of the players on their so-called team were from the basketball club and barely had any volleyball experience. They lost, after all the big talk Hinata had, claiming how his team would win no matter what. 

What had bothered him though, was the fact that he wasn’t able to perform his quick attack with Kageyama for the first time in front of a crowd. He felt tears building in his eyes so before anyone could make fun of him or see him, he ran off.

Kageyama walked around, trying to find his friend. It wasn’t hard. They had always managed to find each other no matter what, they just naturally gravitated toward each other. Kageyama watched as Hinata thanked the players that were on their “team”, all smiley and happy. The second they leave, however, Kageyama moved toward Hinata, knowing for a fact that his small friend was incredibly upset and ready to cry. 

Kageyama felt his shirt get wet, small sniffles emerging from Hinata. “...We have other games in the future, okay, dumbass” 

“B-But-But-” more tears. Kageyama sighed and shook his head. 

“Fuckin’ crybaby,” he muttered, allowing Hinata to cry everything out into his shirt. “You’re buying me a new shirt after this, yeah?” another sniffle and a hiccup. Kageyama just sighed and shook his head.

“Let’s go home,” Kageyama said once Hinata looked like he had calmed down. Well, Hinata stopped crying, but his hair was messy in the front, tears and snot also stained his face. 

It was disgusting. 

Nonetheless, Kageyama grabbed Hinata’s hand and they walked to Hinata’s house together, hand in hand.

Kageyama made Hinata take a shower after all the sweating and crying he had done. 

“Here, for all the water you lost,” Kageyama said, tossing Hinata a water bottle. “You’re getting water everywhere… Geez, are you too stupid to properly dry your hair? Come here,” Kageyama hissed. Hinata stayed silent as he sat on the floor, against the couch where Kageyama sat and began to dry his hair with the towel. 

“Hmm… thank you,” Hinata said quietly, starting to feel a bit drowsy. Kageyama didn’t say anything, but ruffled Hinata’s hair.

“Your hair is really soft after you wash it.”

A pretty shade of red appeared on Hinata’s face. “I… thank-”

“Wait here until I tell you to move, okay, dumbass?” Kageyama suddenly said, standing up and disappearing into Hinata’s room. 

Hinata sat on the couch, lazily playing with the water bottle, listening to the noises coming from his closed bedroom door. The sound of a blanket being straightened. Shuffling noises. Plastic clanging against plastic. A small “dammit” from Kageyama. Hinata smiled a bit.

Your hair is soft.

“Oi, dumbass,” Kageyama emerged from Hinata’s room, “Come, but close your eyes.” Hinata let out a noncommittal hum as he shuffled to Kageyama, his eyes closed. A couple seconds of silence passed.

“Uh… can I open them?” Hinata said, a bit confused.

“Yes! No! Yes! I mean- no,” Kageyama muttered. He was glad Hinata’s eyes were closed so he wouldn’t be able to see the shy blush on Kageyama’s face.

“Yes?” Hinata giggled slightly. Kageyama opened his mouth to say no, but stopped himself. Hinata slowly opened his eyes and-

Oh.

His vision started to get blurry and the tears rolled down once more. 

Blankets. Pillows. More blankets. Candles. Fairy lights. 

Pillow fort.

Kageyama had made a pillow fort.

For him. 

Kageyama Tobio made a pillow fort for Hinata Shouyou. 

“Get in and stop crying, dumbass,” Kageyama’s face was red, but he crawled into the now bigger pillow fort and patted the space beside him. Hinata stood there, staring at Kageyama with big tears. “O-Oi.. get in…”n Kageyama didn’t know what to do. “H-Hey, Shouyou… dumbass,” he got up, taking Hinata’s hands. 

“St-Stupid T-Tobio,” Hinata sobbed. 

“Hey, I’m not stupid, dumbass!” Kageyama growled, tugging Hinata into the pillow fort. Hinata let out a watery giggle as more tears poured down his face. “Stop crying! I did all of this for you to stop crying, so why the fuck are you still crying?”

“Because I’m happy!” Hinata shouted, a bright smile on his face as he cried. Kageyama stared at him. It was like deja vu. Staring at Hinata’s smile in the dark, bright fairy lights flickering, illuminating parts of his hair and face. That wonderful, warm, and safe feeling. But they were older now, and Hinata suddenly looked more mature than he usually was. 

He looked prettier.

He looked beautiful. 

Kageyama’s body trembled slightly, vision becoming foggy as a smile had also made it to his face. “I… think I’m happy too, Shouyou.”

Kageyama was 14 years old when he fell in love with his best friend.

Hinata was also 14 years old when he fell in love with his best friend.

_____

The pillow forts were comforting. So Hinata’s bed was never used. One day, Hinata just decided to get rid of his bed entirely and the pair turned a corner of Hinata’s room into a big pillow fort. Bed sheets covered up the walls and hung down from the ceiling, Christmas and fairy lights hung from the sheets, some candles here and there, soft carpet and blankets acted as the floor, and Hinata had begun a pillow collection where he kept in the fort along with a small bucket of snacks that were always filled (because of Kageyama). It was simple, but it never failed to calm them down. 

_____

Hinata was slightly worried for his best friend. 

“Oi! Shouyou! What are we doing after school today?” Kageyama yelled.

“Oh! I forgot to tell you! Mom, dad, and I are going to have dinner with our family today, so we aren’t going to be home…” Hinata said. “Sorry for not telling you earlier, but shouldn’t you be at home too? Your parents must be worried… you’re always at my house, there’s never a time I don’t see you.”

“...Yeah. Home to my parents. Bye, Shouyou,” Kageyama mumbled, but he still hung around Hinata. 

Shouyou? Why not dumbass?

“Bye, Kageyama!” Hinata cheerfully said, running off. 

When Hinata arrived home around midnight, he was about ready to pass out in the pillows until he saw a lump under the blanket. “...Tobio?” Hinata whispered. 

Small grumbles left Kageyama’s mouth as he stirred a bit. Sighing, Hinata crawled under the sheets. He laid there for a couple of seconds before deciding to throw his arms over Kageyama. After burying his body into Kageyama’s back, the boy still deeply asleep, Hinata stared at him. His breath caught in his throat when he did. 

Kageyama… was amazing. Hinata felt his chest hurt as he looked at Kageyama’s expression while he slept, little puffs of hair escaping from his lips, black hair falling down his face. 

It felt nice. The light pumpkin scent from the candle Kageyama probably lit, watching Kageyama, the one he loved, sleep. Kageyama’s face was always so aggressive and scary, it was rarely relaxed, except when he slept. In his sleep, Kageyama looked worry-free. His eyebrows weren’t furrowed, and his mouth wasn’t set in a scowl. 

He loved Kageyama so much, it hurt. 

Hinata trembled. 

His eyes widened when he noticed something on Kageyama’s neck. He moved his head a bit to allow a bit of light onto his neck. There was a bruise. Unmistakably, a bruise. It wasn’t a hickey. It was too big, too dark, and it looked too painful. Hinata swore it wasn’t there in the morning or the entirety of the day when he saw Kageyama. 

What happened while Hinata was gone?

“...Shouyou, I can literally hear you thinking hard. You’re a dumbass… you shouldn’t be thinking, now sleep,” Kageyama grumbled, turning around to face Hinata, allowing the boy to cuddle into his chest. 

“I-I’m not a dumbass…” Hinata whined lowly, previous thoughts gone because holy shit Tobio and I are cuddling. I repeat. This is not a drill, I repeat Tobio and I are CUDDLING.

Despite his panicked thoughts, it was the best sleep he’s ever gotten. 

Hinata didn’t notice it at first, but now he did. He slowly began to wonder why his bucket of snacks was empty, why the pillow fort was missing the smell of Kageyama, why volleyball practice suddenly felt lonely. Kageyama slowly, but surely began to spend less time with Hinata. He came over sometimes, but not as often anymore. Kageyama basically lived at Hinata’s house. He used to always wait for Hinata. 

One night, after three days of barely seeing Kageyama, they sat in their pillow fort, Hinata’s head on Kageyama’s shoulder as Kageyama scrolled through his phone whilst he was half asleep Hinata asked the question. 

“Hey, Tobio?” Hinata said quietly, voice laced with sleepiness. 

“Mmm?” Kageyama hummed. 

“Why… do I never see you anymore?” Hinata said. Kageyama stayed silent, but he turned off his phone. “I mean… you-you never come by, and. I just, miss. You. I…” Hinata felt himself tear up. Kageyama just sat there, running his hand through Hinata’s fluffy, ginger hair, saying nothing. 

“I missed you too,” he finally said after a couple of minutes. A small smile played along Hinata’s lips.

“Mmm… you’re warm,” Hinata slurred, his body slumping down, head on Kageyama’s lap. “Can we… stay like this?” Hinata looks up, into Kageyama’s eyes. He feels a small pain in his chest when he notices the dark eye bags under Kageyama’s eyes. He looks exhausted. 

“...I haven’t slept in three days,” Kageyama admitted quietly. "Shouyou, it's hard. I want to be the best I can be for people. For... my parents. I tried to get good grades, but I just can't. I can't. I tried, Shouyou, I really did. But it's so hard. They won't listen to me. It's pretty selfish of me. I want to be here for you. And stay here with you. And play volleyball with you. I want to do so many things in life. It's only my parents who don't listen to me, right? Why should I care, it's not that bad. Compared to others, my problems aren't problems at all. I don't know what to do anymore." Hinata just laid there staring at Kageyama’s face, feeling his heart slowly break as he digested the words. His throat constricted. What could he say to make his best friend feel better? Fuck, he felt so terrible. All those times Kageyama was there for him, why couldn't Hinata simply say something back? So he just stayed silent, allowing himself to simply be with Kageyama. 

“Can we stay like this… forever, Tobio?” he finally said. 

Kageyama’s mouth wavered. “Yeah, Shouyou. Let’s stay like this forever.”

While Hinata sleeps, Kageyama cries silently and slips away. 

_____

Hinata felt cold. He shouldn’t be cold. Kageyama should be next to him, heating him up like the human furnace he is. 

But he isn’t. 

In a second, Hinata is up. Kageyama is gone. Kageyama is never gone. Where is Kageyama? Hinata doesn’t feel right. He quickly got ready for school, hoping to catch Kageyama there. He just probably headed home early, right?

“Mom! Did you see Tobio leave this morning?” Hinata asked when he passed by his mom in the kitchen. 

“Huh? No… I thought he was still sleeping with you,” she answered. That didn’t help Hinata’s uneasy feeling at all. He hurried to school on his bike, where he spent an hour looking for Kageyama until the bell rang.

Maybe he’s in class.

But he wasn’t. Kageyama wasn’t in any of his classes. Hinata had already texted and called Kageyama millions of times, but there was no answer. Hinata was growing nervous and his hands were shaky. 

Maybe he’s at home. 

Right, Hinata slightly remembered the direction to Kageyama’s house after stalking him once. He should be able to remember it and find it.

With shaky hands, he pressed the doorbell. Nobody answered.

So nobody’s home.

Hinata turned around but then stopped once he heard a door open. Frantically, he turned around to see a tall woman with the same black hair and slanted eyes as Kageyama.  
“M- I’m Hinata Shouyou! Your son, Kageyama Tobi-” 

“I don’t have a son,” she simply said. 

“H-Huh?” the uneasy feeling grew and grew. 

“Kageyama Tobio is not my son. He’s nothing to me. Maybe he once was, but then he barely came home, even though his dear parents asked him to come home, he never did. When he finally did we gave him a good, deserving beating. But I’m done with him now. I don’t really care what happens to him,” the woman shrugged. 

Fear and anger flashed through Hinata. He lunged forwards, fist out and ready to beat the living shit out of this woman, her eyes widened before she was knocked down. Hinata couldn’t feel, see, hear, or smell anything as he got ontop if jer and continued to hit the woman. He finally snapped out of it when he heard a man yelling. 

Tobio. Where is Tobio?

Hinata jumped up and frantically ran out of the house. Somehow, he still hasn’t cried yet. Tears built up, but they refused to fall. He’s never felt this hopeless in his entire life. His hands shook as he desperately tried to dial Kageyama’s number again.

He picks up.

Please be okay, please be okay. 

“T-Tobio,” Hinata’s voice wavered. “Are… where are you?”

“The tree… where your dumbass hit your head,” Kageyama said slowly, exhaustion in his voice. He was trying to make Hinata smile. Hinata nodded, even though Kageyama couldn’t see him. Just as Hinata was about to hit the hang-up button, Kageyama said, “Can you… stay on? Please.”

“Okay,” Hinata fearfully whispered. He started to run to that forest where he and Kageyama had met for the first time, the uneasy feeling stronger than ever. Kageyama was okay, though, right? Hinata didn’t feel like he was okay. 

That’s when Hinata felt like throwing up when he saw Kageyama slumped down against the tree. “Tobio,” Hinata whispered, standing in front of his friend. He can barely breathe when he saw a long, bloody line down Kageyama’s wrist. 

“Hey,” Kageyama weakly said, a small smile on his face when he looked up at Hinata. Hinata just stared back at Kageyama, feeling empty. 

“Are you upset with me?” Hinata smiled. That’s when his tears finally overflowed and he dropped down to his knees in front of Kageyama. He desperately flung his body into Kageyama’s, clinging on tightly. He can hear Kageyama’s heartbeat.

It’s slow. It’s fading.

“This feels nice,” Kageyama sighed. Hinata let out a small whimper and pressed his face closer to his chest. “It’s okay, Shouyou.” I love you. Kageyama ran his non-bloody hand through the soft hair of Hinata’s that he loved so much. 

Kageyama is going to die.

“I think I might be falling in love with you,” Kageyama whispered.

The hand on his head stopped. Everything stopped. Hinata ignored it all and desperately tightened his hold on Kageyama. 

He ignored the fact that he can feel nor hear Kageyama’s heartbeat.  
_____

When Hinata woke up, he was in his bed. Instinctively, he reached for his phone, Kageyama should’ve sent him a good morning text by now. He stopped when he saw his mom by his bed. “...Mom?” Hinata asked, confused as to why his mom was in his room. Her eyes were red and swollen and tears were streaming down her face.

“S-Shouyou,” she stuttered. Hinata could feel his eyes closing. He felt exhausted. 

I’m a bit tired. I think I’m going to sleep again.  
_____

He woke up, still in his bed. He reached for his phone, Kageyama should’ve sent him a good morning text by now. His mom is by his bed, eyes swollen, but she wasn’t crying.

There is no text message from Kageyama. 

Kageyama. Tobio.

He can feel his heart drop as he remembered what had happened. “Mom! T-Tobio, what-“

“He’s okay, Shouyou,” she cried. “He’s… okay.”

“Can I… see him? Where is he? He’s alive… right?” 

She nodded. Hinata felt a smile on his face.

He’s alive. Tobio is alive.

“I went looking for you. And then… I saw you guys. I called the hospital. He’s in the hospital right now. The doctors were sure that he died. But he’s alive,” Hinata’s mom smiled as well. 

“What about… his parents-“ Hinata didn’t like the way parents sounded. They were not Kageyama’s parents. They may have created him, but they weren’t his parents.

“They didn’t even care,” his mom’s voice grew cold. Hinata clenched his teeth, wanting to bash that woman’s face in again. “He can stay here, Shouyou.”

“Really?” Hinata felt hope burn in his chest.

But he still felt uneasy.

“Let’s go visit him, he’ll be happy to see you.”

Hinata’s smile fell off his face the moment he saw Kageyama laying in that hospital bed. He looked small, skinny, and pale with heavy bags under his eyes. It wasn’t the Kageyama he knew. Hinata told himself not to cry when he sat down in the chair next to Kageyama’s bed, grabbing his hand. “S-Shouyou,” Kageyama weakly said. 

“Tobio! Kageyama! You meanie!” Hinata cried. “I’m supposed to be your best friend! Why didn’t you tell me?”

That made Kageyama smile, Hinata complaining with tears rolling down his flushed cheeks. “I’m okay,” Kageyama said, squeezing Hinata’s hand.

“Stop telling me you’re okay,” Hinata said.

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want your apology, what I want is a hug!” Hinata huffed. “So you better get better and give me a hug!”

“I promise, Shouyou.”

A couple of weeks later, Kageyama was released from the hospital and had gained back some weight and color in his skin, and his eye bags were gone. 

“Kageyama,” Hinata’s mom pulled him aside into the kitchen. “I want you to go to therapy.” Kageyama grimaced. He wasn’t a fan of spilling his entire trauma to a stranger who was a “professional”. 

“I… I don’t want to,” Kageyama said.

“You can’t just keep everything in, Kageyama.”

“I’m not keeping everything in.”

“Then where is everything coming out? Going to therapy is the best option for you.”

Kageyama pressed his lips together. “...I have Shouyou,” He admitted, red forming on his cheeks. “I’ve… been talking to him, and he helps me. A lot.”

Hinata’s mom looked at the blushing boy, a small smile appearing on her face. “He does?” she asked fondly.  
“I don’t have nightmares as often anymore, I can sleep, and… I feel safe with him. I feel safe with Shouyou,” Kageyama spoke, voice filled with rawness. 

Oh, how could she have ever forgotten about Hinata? Hinata, the boy Kageyama’s so painfully and obviously in love with. She wrapped her arms around Kageyama. “Okay, no therapist. But you have to promise to talk to Shouyou about everything, okay?” 

Hinata felt like crying again when he had heard their interaction. He was helping Kageyama. He knew that Kageyama was going to be okay.

But why wasn’t the uneasiness going away? 

_____

“Shouyou,” Kageyama whimpered. 

“Hm…? Tobio?” Hinata opened his eyes, only to be met with Kageyama’s scrunched up face. He glanced at his phone, 4 AM. “Nightmares again?” Kageyama just stared at Hinata’s face, fear filling him. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t get the thoughts out of his mind. “Hey, just look at me. Breathe.” Hinata’s soft voice comforted Kageyama, slowly bringing him out of the drowning thoughts. 

Shouyou. Pretty Shouyou. Sunshine Shouyou. Dumbass Shouyou. 

“Hold my hand, it’s going to be okay,” Hinata gently took Kageyama’s clenched fist in his small hands, forcing the fingers to open. They laid like that in their pillow fort, Kageyama’s larger body curling into Hinata’s, their hands intertwined. 

“...Thank you, Shouyou,” Hinata heard Kageyama say before everything disappeared. It just disappeared. He couldn’t feel anything, everything was black. 

Why.

He.

Wake up.

Screaming.

Wetness. 

Orange.

Pills.

Beep. 

He opened his eyes. He was back in the pillow fort, everything the same as it was. It was still 4 AM. He probably fell asleep for a quick second. He looked to his side, Kageyama was still curled up, but his expression was more relaxed, his breathing was back to normal, and he was asleep. 

_____

They joined Karasuno’s boy’s volleyball club. 

“Are you two idiots dating or something?” Tsukkishima bluntly said once they finished practicing. 

“Tsukki!” Yamaguchi said immediately afterward. 

“Wha-What?” Kageyama choked on his milk. “Dating? This short tangerine?” Hinata simply blushed as his mind wrapped around that question.

Dating. Dating. Dating. Dating Tobio would be nice.

“Are you sure?” Tanaka butted in, a grin on his face. 

“Yeah, I’m fucking sure why-”

“Language!” Daichi yelled. 

“Just fuck off, Tsukkishima,” Kageyama muttered. “Let’s go home, Shouyou.”

“Oooh~ Home? What’re you guys going to do at home?” Nishinoya winked.

“Senpai!” Hinata hissed. “You guys are so mean.”

“Alright, leave the two alone and let them go home,” Sugawara sighed, a smile on his face as he watched Kageyama and Hinata interact. 

“‘M tiiiiired, help me up, Tobio,” Hinata huffed, laying down on the ground. Kageyama rolled his eyes, but moved forward to grab-

Black.

Everything is black again.

Beeping noises. 

Medicine. 

Small sniffles. 

Mom? 

Everything was back, and Kageyama’s hand yanked Hinata up and into his body. Hinata felt a bit disorientated as his vision returned to normal. 

“Oi, dumbass, you okay? Your face looks funny,” Kageyama said. 

“Hmm? I’m fine… I think,” Hinata said. Kageyama raised an eyebrow. 

“Whatever, let’s just go, I’m hungry.” 

Hinata was experiencing these “blackouts” (as he liked to call them) more often now. They would happen randomly, every time Hinata would just see black. He’d be able to feel things (bed sheets and sometimes a warm hand holding his), hear things (crying, beeping, shuffling, voices, but he was unable to make out any words), smell things (alcoholic scents), and taste things (bitter medicine). 

When he told Kageyama about this, Kageyama just told him not to worry about it or just ignored him. Sometimes he’d feel like he had blacked out for hours, but when he returned he was still in the same spot and it was as if time never passed whatsoever. 

It just made him more uneasy. The feeling of uneasiness had never left him once, even after a year. He eventually decided to stop thinking about it and just enjoy his time with Karasuno and Kageyama. 

Their relationship was sweet, besides the fact that they’re always arguing and calling each other names, they’d always be in the same spot at the end of the day. Cuddled up inside of their pillow fort and simply talking about random things or just staying in peaceful silence. During those times, Hinata felt extremely happy and lucky, grateful that Kageyama, the person he loved, was there with him, helping him pursue his dreams, grateful for Karasuno and his very own volleyball team. 

His teammates would often tease Kageyama and Hinata for their close relationship (oh how they’d completely kill Hinata and Kageyama if they found out they cuddled up in a pillow fort at the end of the day). Except, one time they did. 

It just happened. The entire team just decided to invite themselves after Hinata said something about how his mom and sister weren’t home to Kageyama. Hinata didn’t think much of it. 

“Geez, Hinata, how do you ride your bike home and ride it to Karasuno? You live like a whole 30 minutes away!” Tanaka exclaimed. 

“That’s where he must get all his energy from,” Asahi sighed. 

The second they arrived at Hinata’s house, Tanaka and Nishinoya immediately raced to his room, yelling, “We’re going to find something to embarrass you with, Hinata!” 

“Hey! You’re not supposed to snoop through my house!” Hinata yelled, running after them. 

“Why is Kageyama’s jersey here?” Tanaka yelled. Hinata made eye contact with Kageyama. 

Oh shit.

“Woahhh you have a pillow fort! Cool!” 

“G-Guys, get out of my room!” Hinata said. 

“Hm? Seems like you’re hiding something, shrimp,” Tsukkishima smirked. 

“I-I’m not!” Hinata watched in fear as his teammates shuffled through his room.

“Guys… maybe we should respect Hinata’s privacy-” Sugawara started.

“Oi, shrimpy, king! Why does the shrimp have a closet full of your clothes,” Tsukkishima snickered. “Are you two… sleeping together?”

“Damn, I didn’t know you guys were this bold!”

“So you guys are dating!”

Hinata’s entire face was flushed, and when he looked at Kageyama, he too, was red. 

They were never going to live this down.

“What’re you thinking about?” Kageyama said quietly. 

“Hm? Oh… just thinking, you know,” Hinata hummed, laying his head on Kageyama’s chest. They’re in their pillow fort again, waiting for sleep to come. 

“Shouyou, you never think, you’re too stupid to,” Kageyama scoffed. 

“That’s mean!” Hinata squawks, lightly hitting his chest. They morphed into a peaceful silence. Hinata listened to the light beating of Kageyama’s heartbeat, the small breaths they let out, and the burning of a candle. “Tobio?” Hinata broke the silence. Kageyama squeezed Hinata’s hand to let him know that he was listening. “I… love-” He was unable to say the words. 

Hinata just shook his head and forced himself to sit up. Kageyama was smiling. Not his scary scowl, a genuine smile that never failed to make Hinata happy. Hinata leaned closer to Kageyama’s face. Hinata is suddenly aware of everything. Kageyama’s hand on his waist, his other hand occupied in Hinata’s hand, his heartbeat, Kageyama’s heartbeat, their breathing, the distance between Hinata’s lips and Kageyama’s lips. Hinata’s heart is close to feeling full.

Black.

Not again.

Except he can see.

Hinata opened his eyes. Kageyama was not there. The pillow fort was not there. Hinata was not there. Hinata was not in the pillow fort. His hands are clenched around bed sheets, needles and tubes emerged from Hinata’s arms, he can smell the familiar alcoholic smell of a hospital, and he could see a heart monitor going beep beep beep. 

Why is he in a hospital and not with Kageyama right now?

He desperately tried to sit up and get out of the bed, but his limbs aren’t listening to him, they remain glued to the bed. 

“Shouyou!” his mom is right there, relief in her eyes as she quickly pressed a button for the doctor to come. 

“M-Mom… Where’s Tobio,” He managed, throat feeling dry and scratchy. She slumped back. 

“Tobio… Kageyama, he…” tears fell. “He’s dead, Shouyou.”

“He’s… dead?” Hinata whispered. She nodded. “But-But you found us… You told me that he was alive. I helped him. He’s okay. We were going to nationals together with… with Daichi, Sugawara, Yama- with the whole team. We were going to win, Tobio isn’t… dead.” Hinata stared blankly at his mom.

“What do you mean, Shouyou? Who’s Daichi and Sugawara? What… team?” 

“I’m a first-year in Karasuno! I’m supposed to go to nationals and win with my team and Tobio!” Hinata shouted, his voice slowly breaking. 

“Shouyou…” 

“I’m... supposed… to be… with T-Tobio-” Hinata’s voice slowed down as he quietly fell asleep once again. 

He was not supposed to be with Tobio. Or with Karasuno. 

He was still 14 and in his last year of junior high. 

Did he truly make up all those people in his mind? All the friends he made... weren't real. But it felt so real, fighting with Tsukishima with Yamaguchi on the side encouraging Tsukishima, Noya treating him to things because he wanted to be a good senpai, Tanaka calling for Kiyoko with her ignoring him, watching Suga care for them, Daichi becoming mad, and Asahi worrying about everything. He had everything he wanted, even if it were fake, he wished he could've stayed there longer. He had a team, his first team. Why would it be taken away from him so easily?

And Kageyama. The boy he loved for so long, Kageyama Tobio was dead. 

He knew Kageyama was dead when they laid against that tree. But… he couldn’t accept it. His mentality refused to. How could he let go of the boy he loves so easily? Hinata closed his eyes, desperately wishing that he would be with Karasuno and Kageyama again. He begged and begged, hoping that someone, something, would listen. 

He was so close. 

The pillow fort they had built together collapsed. The pillows disorganized, fairy and Christmas lights barely flickered as they ran out of battery (after months of not changing the battery), and the candles Hinata had carefully collected over the years were all tossed in the garbage. 

He was never going to be able to lay in that pillow fort with Kageyama again. What was the point of a big pillow fort for just one boy? 

Hinata didn’t think he could do it anymore. How could he continue to live without Kageyama? His best friend, his partner, his teammate, his lover. The one who kept him alive, cared for him, and was always there for him even if he was mean sometimes. So, for the last time, he jumped for Kageyama. 

He’ll be seeing Tobio soon.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading and i hope you have a gOOD day !!!


End file.
